i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
