Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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