If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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