whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
