You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
