absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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