Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
