He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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