New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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