Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
