Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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