I bet he comes in French.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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