But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
