anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
