she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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