im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
