i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
