i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
