My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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