The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
