I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
