I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
