My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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