How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
