her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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