Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
