Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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