thus making me awesome and them whores
someone owes me an orgasm
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
