I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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