She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
