im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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