Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
