no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
