everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
