Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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