just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
