mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize