After last night, I could never be a politician.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
