i jhust puked up my retainher.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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