he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
