he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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