I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
