Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
