I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
