woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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