Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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