Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
