I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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