I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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