I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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