Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
