every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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