1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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