She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
