No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
