My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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