YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
