My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
