yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
