im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
