This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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