HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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