I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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