in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
