Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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