you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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