don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Randomize
