i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
