im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
its not stalking. its research.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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