When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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