when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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