Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
