She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
