He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
