she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
