Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
