it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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