did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
