im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize