saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
