You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you would pick up someone in the library
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
