I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
