You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
