You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
