Im at strip club and am horny
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
